Moonbeam Disco

Finished pieces from 09-22-11

2011-10-01T12:17:00.004-04:00

My two new rings. And yes you did see something similar before, but this on is tapiered at the back, thinner around and it's mine! The Heart from the heart ring was very very hard to do and I'm glad it came out. The are both real gold.

Andrew's Birthday present- Finished casting from 09/22/11

2011-10-01T12:10:00.005-04:00

Yes it is real gold. It prolly the best ring I've done so far. He loves it.

Casting results 09/22/11

2011-09-23T08:54:00.006-04:00

I have managed to maintain my fifty fifty record. Last night one pour went well and one, um, not so much. Okay, so when I said there was molten metal *everywhere* it was a bit of an exaggeration. But that's kinda what it felt like at the time. I didn't get the spout right over the button when I tipped and so there was splash back. Anytime you have molten metal where you didn't expect it it's a serious situation. I managed to correct my position enough to get some in, but it all happens so fast that I didn't even really know what had happened until it was over. I've never experience so much natural adrenaline and it took a long time for me to get back on an even keel after seeing that red hot liquid metal splash around and fly through the air. My instructor (who also owns the studio and is totally awesome) Threw some more silver in the crucible and said she could try to repour the rest and maybe it might fuse and could possible turn out. She poured the rest (right into the button of course) and One side of the tree actually did come out, so all was not lost. The next cast I did myself (right into the button of course because you don't make *that* mistake twice) And it turned out like solid gold (in fact it is sold gold!).

I'm going to finish them to a high polish and may or may not do a stardust finish on the heart ring. The one with the holes is for Mr. Andrew man, as it is nearly his birthday. It will be the most expensive thing I've ever given to him (Aside from Ben of course, but Ben isn't really his as we have a share split in that little one). There will be one more round of casting that will take place in two weeks, I have big plans for a necklace and little plan for some earrings. I have officially run through all my own gold, so unless I manage to find some buried treasure (Arrrrrrrr!) it's silver from here on out. I'll let you know how it goes.
:D

Wax cast ring Finished piece

2011-07-15T11:37:00.005-04:00

This ring was carved out of wax and then cast in gold. It took me soooooooo long to finish the wax ring (I broke it a couple of times and had to repair it) but that was nothing compared to the clean up. It's very light and shinny. Anyhoo, here it is:

Casting and Fabrication

2011-07-01T09:35:00.004-04:00

Ta-da! Two new pieces to share:
My finished pendant from the first batch of casting, and the earrings I cut at home. Both pieces are sterling silver. As for last night class, I poured two, one came out great, and the other didn't come out at all. But it's all a learning process. I will share photos of those when they are all cleaned up.

I have way more pieces that I cut at home, but If I post them all, this blog would be nothing but pictures of jewelry.......Hmmmm, I'm not sure if that would be a bad thing or not yet :)

Earrings in progress

2011-06-29T17:29:00.004-04:00

I cut these recently.
As your keen observation skills have probably already detected, the one on the left has be filed and sanded, while the one on the right has not.
After they are both fully filed and sanded I will take them to the studio and anneal them so that they can be twisted into the shape I want. I will curl the tops of them, as is my habit, around a jump ring, hang them on some ear wire, and presto, I will have a beautiful pair of earrings!

Work in progress......

2011-06-24T00:21:00.005-04:00

It doesn't look like much yet....but it will once it's been cut off and cleaned up!
I'm working on another one of these, I'm going to try it in gold.
The other thing in the back ground is a ring. I'm going to try to set a stone into it, but I haven't decided which stone to use.

Casting classes!

2011-06-23T09:10:00.005-04:00

So I'm going to my casting class tonight. So far the things I've sculpted have turned out beautifully!!!!

The way it works is you make your piece out of wax, and then you make a plaster cast of it. The wax is burned out and the hole left in the plaster is then filled with molten metal. The metal is then cleaned and finished.

This process allows me to really use a lot of my artistic talents, and I love working with that wax. It's completely different from the fabrication classes. I'm really glad I took those classes first because if I hadn't, I might never even want to, as my talents are so well suited to wax modeling!

The pieces that were cast in the last class were poured by my instructor, so technically they are not my work alone. She said I could pour it myself but, as I've see it done more than once, but I wanted these two pieces to, um, actually turn out? She said that casting is never guaranteed, if I do it there's a 50% chance it will turn out, where as if she does it, there's an 80% chance it will turn out. There are just so many factors that go into it and so many things that could go wrong. I wanted them to have the best chance of success, as I really put a lot of work into the pendant. If I'm feeling very brave, I will pour the next batch. I have been commissioned to make a ring for someone, and if I manage to get a round to it in this class, I will have to pour that one myself......
Even if I'm not successful in the pouring it's all a learning process, and as my instructor says I can't let being afraid of ruining something prevent me from doing it, "After all Sarah, it's only wax!"
I will take my camera with me tonight so I can photograph the unfinished pieces!
And oh, Happy Birthday to me!! I didn't receive any cards this year but that's probably due to the postal strike ;)

Ta-da! Earrings and a necklace

2011-05-10T22:43:00.007-04:00

This is the necklace I made a while back that needed a bit more finishing. I'm very happy with the way it came out. I'll soon be wearing it for the first time to a very special event. Out of everything thing I've made I like this pendant the most.

These earrings are the end product of a botched (and extremely time consuming) project. I'm really glad I was able to salvage at least some of it and make some lovely earring the rest will be melted down during lost wax casting, which starts at the end of May :)

I also finished three pendants, and two pairs of earrings :)

Bag of tricks!

2011-05-06T14:55:00.005-04:00

So I have my open studio tonight, which is bench time at the workshop where I can (hopefully) drill/solder/ polish all the little things I've cut at home.
Since my explanation of my home set up always leads to questions (Srsly! It's just a block of wood clamped to my bookshelf above a cake pan also clamped to my book shelf) I have included some photos of that as well.
Wish me luck tonight!!
Here are 12 things I have started at home displayed in the sanding tray my darling husband made me:

Here is the cutting block on the bookshelf:

Here is the cutting block with the drop pan:

Home set up!!!

2011-04-30T21:05:00.003-04:00

I am now able to cut metal at home!!!
This is a huge break though for me as it means I can really use my bench time at the work shop well. I have me a saw, cutting block, files and sand paper which is all I really need to cut and shape things at home. It's all very exciting. I have several projects on the go that I will hopefully be able to finish completely on Friday. Also so excited to show my teacher all the stuff I've done independently. She is always so encouraging and supportive. Hopefully everything will turn out well. Still trying to wrap my head around actually making something to sell. so hard to attach a dollar value to all my hard work, especially as I like jewelry so much that I just want to keep it all! I know without a doubt now that this is what I want to do. It's just a matter of finding a way to make it work. Wish me luck, and hopefully I'll have good news after Friday!

One year ago today...........

2011-04-19T12:37:00.003-04:00

Days on the calendar come and go marking events that would have been but weren't; days that don't mean anything to anyone except me. (I've one more of these coming up in May).
As much as I try to tough it out (Yeah it was the worst pain I ever felt in my life, yeah I almost died, and, yeah I lost a pregnancy, so what?) it still effects me. The loss of possibilities is probably the hardest part. As much as I want to say I'm well over it, the truth is I am not. I may never be. I guess it's not a matter of "getting over it" or "putting it behind me" as much as it is a matter of learning to live with it. It didn't kill me, so it must have made me stronger? I certainly don't feel stronger but who am I to judge? I do know this for sure, I have things in my life today that I did not have one year ago. People whom I love, and new skills I have acquired. I am grateful for the changes this year has brought, even as I mourn the losses. I am happy even though it hurts.
Scars and bruises on our souls make us who we are.
It's not good or bad, it just is what it is; Life.

Best necklace!

2011-04-07T14:02:00.004-04:00

Well, I love it anyways!!
what do you think?
It still needs some sanding and polishing, but I didn't have time to finish it in my last fabrication class......It will have to wait until May, when I have one open studio slot booked. I love it when things turn out looking like what they were meant to look like :)
I will be starting my casting classes at the end of May, which really seems like ages away.

SOLID GOLD DINOSAUR!!!

2011-04-07T10:54:00.004-04:00

And by solid gold I of course mean brass.
In retrospect maybe not the best design for a small boy to play with.......
But it looks great mounted on his door.

I also brought home the earrings and pendant from last week and another new pendant, I will photograph and post them too when I get a chance, hopefully this afternoon.

Nothing new to show from last weeks class....

2011-04-04T10:16:00.004-04:00

It was a great class and all, I actually made two simple pendants, a pair of earrings and I cut almost half way through another much more complicated pendant. However, the simple stuff needs some finishing, and I'm seriously considering drilling some holes and attaching some crystals. I guess I'll just wait and see where the spirit takes me on Wednesday. It will be my last fabrication class, but...... I can rent bench space now!!! Woooooooo! This means that I've been deemed skilled enough to safely use the equipment independently (Like the oxy/propane torch , the big scary buffer, and the drills....) and I will do so in the beginning of May. I might actually even make something for sale!!!
On a sadder note, I seem to have lost the first pendant I made. I don't know how it happened, but it's nowhere to be found :( I'm pretty sure it's in the apartment somewhere so hopefully it will turn up soon.

Ring-Ring! ..hello who's there? It's a success! :)

2011-03-27T20:46:00.006-04:00

Huzzah!
I set three stones!
It was so stressful, I wouldn't be surprised if it took years off my life! My teacher said she was proud of me! I also used the big scary buffer (It's not as scary as I thought) to make my ring super shinny.
It's not *perfect*.
In fact, I can tell you exactly where all the flaws are.....
But I won't ;)

Success!

2011-03-10T09:55:00.004-05:00

So class last night was great! I melted two jump rings (ops!) Lesson learned. I finished my earrings! They are super light and very wearable. (I have always disliked wearing heavy earrings.) It was really difficult to work with such thin metal but totally worth it. They have great movement which I can't really show in a photo so you'll have to take my word for it.
Ta-Da!

And I've been told (big surprise) That I can't work with my diamonds (I have three lovely ones) until I have successfully done a setting three times with zircons. So next week I'm going to start learning how to do a Gypsy setting. I'm planning to make a silver ring with three zircons. Hopefully I will be successful!

Silversmithing tonight!

2011-03-09T09:10:00.002-05:00

I've been looking forward to tonight since last Wednesday!!
I realized the other day how much I have learned when I was trying to explain to a friend the process of making a bezel setting.....
So my latest project (as you may have guessed from the photo I posted last week) is a pair of tear drop layered dangle earrings. At the time I wanted to make them super light and wearable. Which meant that I had to roll out a thick sheet of metal to get something thinner to work with. Well it was warping so much I had to anneal it, and my teacher standing behind at the roller was starting to sound a bit like Scotty telling me the metal can't take much more of this......"Geezes Sarah, seriously soon you'll be working with tinfoil!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to file and polish tinfoil?!! Good thing I have a light touch...
The shapes are not exact, which is to be expected with hand cut designs. Earrings are especially hard as they have to be pretty close....
I expect tonight to be more of the same, filing sanding and polishing. I have no idea what the attachment process will entail, but my plan is to finish these earrings tonight and figure out what I will start on next week :) I have too many ideas and pages of designs!!!

Farbication level two

2011-03-03T00:21:00.006-05:00

So what did you get accomplished this evening?
Here's what I did:

I'm really enjoying this!

When I grow up I want to be a Goldsmith!

2011-01-26T19:57:00.006-05:00

For now I'll settle for amateur silver smith....
As the Internet has already probably told you, I've opened a jewelry store over on Etsy, and joined forces with Jen over at Pássaro Bobo.
What the Internet may not have told you is that I've successfully completed my level one Silversmith at the devil's work shop, and will be starting level two at the end of February!! (Huzzah, it's so exciting!)
The first course was a fabrications course, and it was mostly just filing and sanding and buffing. Ha ha no just joking, there was other stuff too.
By the end of it I have completed three pendants and one ring!

I don't actually have photo of the ring....should do something about that I guess.
Anyways, When I have finished level two I will be allowed to rent bench space there and make really pretty things to sell (which I fully intend to do!)

New Years Revolution

2011-01-05T19:35:00.002-05:00

I guess they teach this stuff at school because my Boy asked me today what my "New Years Revolution" was. I said that my news years resolution was to not have any major surgery this year. to which he quickly said "But Mumma, you can't control that!" I had to admit that this was true. After some more thought I was told that if I didn't have surgery I would have died (also true) so that was not a *good* new years resolution. I then had to say that if I needed it I would in fact have major surgery again this year (*groans*)
Indeed.
What I want to know is how this child got so perceptive......

Back to work and a Beautiful Calendar!

2010-11-10T12:04:00.009-05:00

Two things:

First: I'm back at work Huzzah!

Second: I'm selling a calendar Huzzah!

Okay so first things first, yesterday I went back to work for the first time since my life fell apart for a second time this year. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, it didn't exactly fall apart, it just changed dramatically. In fact My perspective has changed so much, the way I'm going back to work is completely different.
As much as my family is short on cash flow right now, (with me being off work for so long and for the second time this year and with Andrew in school, which is going really great btw) I've decided that it's not worth it to work the way I did before.
I made this decision not only because the closing shift is the hardest shift with the most work (physical and clerical) and I don't think I should always have to be the one to do it, but also because since I moved it now takes an hour to get home by bus. I don't get paid any differently for always closing so, why should I put up with it? Not fair. Plus it's far more work crammed into the short period after the doors are closed than can actually be done so I never actually get out the door at 9:30pm. Meaning the earliest I can possible ever get home is 10:30pm. Which is alright once and a while, but not everyday, especially when I have to be back there the next morning to receive shipment at 7am!!!
Since I've now said I'll only work up until 6pm on week days except one day (I'm not so unreasonable, so I gave a little there) , only one day on the weekend (so Saturday or Sunday, but not both) and I want two full days off from work every single week (As apposed to one full day off and two half days with only four hour shifts) I'm engaged in a bit of a battle of the wills. I guess time will tell if I will be accommodated, or if my boss will simply decide that she's going to knock me down to part time (which she can do since I've changed my availability). If she does, it will be time for either a second job, or a new job entirely. I suppose time will tell......

And now for the fun stuff!!
In early September I had just finished putting together a beautiful collection of butterfly photography in a calendar which is available from Lulu. Due to my my surgery and recovery and all the other badness that happened on September 10th, I never promoted it. Since there's no time like the present, I'd better get to it. Wanna buy a calendar?

FAQ'S

So Sarah, why did you decided to be a total sell out and put your beautiful fine art photography into a calendar format?

Well, aside from the fact that the slow economy means most people just don't have the kinda of disposable income required to purchase a large beautiful print and I'd really like my photography out there and up on people walls in any format, the real reason is my Dad. My darling Father (god rest his soul) was never the most supportive when it came to my artistic endeavours. He would always hem and haw about the investment required in making prints and framing, also he just couldn't believe that people would actually spend that kind of money on fine art photography because hey, any one can take a photo right? Well, when I put together my "Beautiful Ontario" collection for our show back in 2009 (wow has it only been a year? Feels like forever since I had a show) My Father gave me that the absolute highest praise he could ever give a photograph. He said "Sarah, these are good enough to be in a Calendar!!" Sadly, he did not see the "Reflections" collection and sadly this collection never made it to print or to show. But hopefully Dad would think these were good enough to be in a Calendar too!

I see on the Lulu website my Calendar will ship in three to five days, wow that's so fast! Does that mean I have to pay a redonkulous amount for shipping?

When it says "Ships in 3–5 business days" That means it will take 3-5 days for the printing process to be completed. These are available for purchase on consignment which means that there is no warehouse full of calendars. Lulu only prints the calendars that have been paid for, this way I don't actually have to invest any money for them (only time and love). How much you will pay for shipping and how long it will take you to get it depends of the type for shipping service you choose and the place you are having them shipped to. I would highly recommend that you get yours sooner rather than later to avoid the holiday rush.

$15.00 + shipping is pretty steep for a Calendar why is it so expensive?

Well, nobody does anything for free, the base price for this calendar is $12.49. Which mean that while I set my own price, lulu wants $12.49 for every calender of mine that gets printed. Considering that I think $15.00 is pretty reasonable!

You know Sarah, I have so much disposable income and I want to give it all to you to support your artist endeavors don't you have anything to sell me that is more expensive ?

Well, gee wiz thanks! (okay maybe I made that last one up but I'm gonna go ahead and answer it anyways!) Some photographs from the Reflections collection are available in book form also from lulu. They are not all the same ones in the calendar but there is some over lap.

Halloween Night 2010

2010-11-01T23:58:00.009-04:00

You would not believe how long it took me to make this costume.
It was definitely worth it.
As you can see Benjamin was a skeleton.
Andrew and I were Necromancers or Skeleton Keepers, cause you know, bones won't just get up and walk around all on their own!
We hooked up with a blood thirty panda who was "thirsty for bwud!" and a pumpkin, who well, let's be frank, slept pretty much the entire time.
Good times, Good times.

The Panda swung the skeleton round into the a jack-0-lantern (No, not The Pumpkin, The Pumpkin was sleeping in her stroller) the jack-o-lantern rolled down the hill, spilling tea lights all over, trying to catch the leaves on fire. So I went after the fire, perceiving it to be more dangerous, making it possible for the Panda to run off with the skeleton while I could only shriek "ANDREW! GET THE PANDA! GET THE PANDA"

Ruptured Ectopic Pregnancy- Bloody hell, not again!

2010-09-13T12:47:00.010-04:00

If it weren't for bad luck I'd have none at all.
Not true actually, I'm being a tad melodramatic there. I am actually pretty lucky. For the second time this year, I'm looking back over the previous week and thinking: "Geeze, I'm lucky to be alive!"
So it started with two pink lines on the pregnancy test. Well, actually, it started with a feeling. I just felt pregnant. I sensed all those little tells that there are when things are happening, and this lead me to take the test. Andrew was very excited right off the bat and I was was terrified. I could only think of all the things that went wrong last time. He said "It's a cautious yay. We will just do everything the doctor tells us and be very careful."
So I made an appointment to see the Obstetrician who did my surgery in April, after I lost the first baby. She had said to call her the second I got a positive home pregnancy test. I saw my GP as well, who sent me for test straight away; Blood work and an ultra sound. He put me at five weeks dating from my last period. I saw the Obstetrician went for the blood work a couple of days later. She said to me that at this point the was no reason to assume anything was wrong, and that the chances were 85% everything would be just fine. She would be in touch when she got the blood tests back, which would be before I went for the ultra sound.
So the blood test came back, and yes I was definitely pregnant. Three weeks pregnant.
But wait a minute, shouldn't I be at least five weeks?
We start counting from the first day of the last menstrual period. That was August first. I know for sure it was August first because it was my first day back at work after getting home from the cottage. I don't usually keep track, being so irregular, but this time I knew for sure. So I was worried. But the Obstetrician says , maybe you're not as far along as you think. She doesn't know if it's a good idea to get the ultra sound because at three weeks, nothing will be visible yet. She is worried that if they don't see anything it will really stress me out. I tell her I'm already really stressed out. And we come to the conclusion that, if I am five weeks and ectopic (which there is not really any reason to worry about) and the technician sees an ectopic pregnancy, she will tell me and send me right to the ER. But don't be worried if she doesn't see anything, cause three weeks really is too early. She wants me to redo the blood work on Monday to see where the levels of HCG are and make sure they are in line with where I should be. She leaves me with these words: "You know what to watch out for. You know what the warning signs are. If you have any of them go directly to the ER. But everything is probably just fine, so just try not to worry."
But, but, well, okay. I'll just see what the ultra sound shows.
The ultra sound was the next day. They are not supposed to tell you anything at all, (and there's good reason for that,) but, since the test was on Friday and the office wouldn't get the result until Monday, and given my history......She did tell me. She did tell me that she didn't see anything at all. But by five weeks, there should at least be a yolk sack, there should at least be something in there. But no, nothing at all there. Which is consistent with 3 weeks, which is be far too early to see anything thing. Well at least she doesn't see an ectopic pregnancy either. The technician said "I think you just came too early, come back in two weeks."
But I know, I know I'm five weeks.
And I was always afraid, from the moment I saw the two pink lines, I was afraid, but now I'm terrified. And she asks when did I have my blood work done? In her opinion I should have my levels tested again soon, and see how they are progressing, and that's what your doctor said? So go home and relax, enjoy your weekend and don't worry about it until Monday.
Andrew is waiting in the waiting room, and I tell him in the hall way on the way back to the elevator that there was nothing at all, not even a yolk sack, and I'm really really worried. And he says, but we're doing everything thing we should be doing, we getting everything checked out early and we're staying on top of everything. So try not to worry too much.
So we go home. I go and get Ben from daycare, and we have a bit of a difference of opinion, but such is life. We read some, play some, and just generally hang out together.
The I get this pain.
Just like last time.
I tell Andrew I'm not feeling well and I'm going to lay down for a bit. I'm really hoping that it's nothing and in a few moments it will turn out it was just gas.
The boys go to watch a video.
I rest for half an hour and don't feel any better.
Andrew says we should go to the ER but I don't want to.
He says it's better to be sure, it's better to go when it's not necessary than to not go when it is necessary. And I hear the last thing the Obstetrician said to me echoing in my mind " You know what to watch out for, you know what the warning signs are. If you have any of them go directly to the ER." And while I'm not in agony, this is exactly what it felt like at the beginning last time.
So I say to Andrew, okay, but eat dinner first because we could be there pretty late. He thinks I should eat too, but I can't, and I know this is another bad sign.
We leave Ben with my Mum, not saying much to her, because we haven't told her I'm pregnant, in case something were to go wrong. We just say I'm not feeling well.
We decide to go to the Scarborough Hospital, where I was taken last time.
While he is driving Andrew says "It's much better to go ourselves then wait until you're in agony and have to go in an ambulance." And I'm trying not to cry, I say "I think it's just psychosomatic because of what happened last time. We'll be there all night and then they will send us home saying I'm fine." And Andrew doesn't answer, and I think maybe he's not listening but then he says "Given your history they will say it's a good thing you came regardless of what they find."
He drops me in front of the ER doors and go to park the car.
I make my way over to the triage nurse and she asks me why I'm there, and it takes all the strength I have not to breakdown and burst into tears. I say "I have abdominal pain. I'm five weeks pregnant. I suffered a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in April. It felt like this." She asks me question which I don't remember and I answer her. A woman sticks her head into the room and she says "It WAS gauze!" and is holding a piece of gross looking gauze between her latex covered fingers. And my nurse says "That's what I told her! I said it really looks like gauze!" And they both think it is funny. I can see Andrew standing outside and he's glaring at these women, if looks could kill they would have burst into flames. And she says to me "Oh sorry, it's just this woman came in and she thought she has a growth in her mouth, and it turns out it was a piece of gauze, which is what I thought, but she insisted they hadn't put any gauze in there." I can appreciate that this must be funny to her and I lamely say "Oh, had some dental surgery did she?" And the nurses say "Yes, she did, and she must have just been really groggy when they put it in, she thought it was some kind of a growth!" She prints out a little red ER ID bracelet and snaps it on my wrist, she's putting a folder together. Someone walks by the window and she grabs him in and they have another little chuckle about the gauze. Then she sends me out to the waiting area.
I try to get comfortable but it's getting more and more difficult. The pain is getting worse. Andrew is outraged about the gauze and the laughing. I tell him not to worry, it's just a strange thing that happened for them this evening.
I don't know how long we are waiting but the waiting room is pretty empty, not many people there at all.
They call my name and I'm taken to RAZ again (Rapid assessment zone). This is where the paramedics left me last time. Last time I was in so much pain every breath hurt. This time, it hurts, but I can sit, I can stand, I can walk. It seems like ages before I'm seen, but it's not actually that long. She looks far too young. She's pale and has black hair, her name is Jennifer and she asks me why I'm there. It's harder and harder to keep calm, but I tell her, about the pains, and she's writing everything down. I tell her that I went for an ultra sound today and that there was nothing there. She says, "They are not supposed to give you the results." And I say I know. She asks where it was done, and says they are probably closed and she won't be able to get those results now. She says she'll be back soon.
Andrew leaves to go and call my Mum, see how Ben is doing.
Jennifer comes back asks how I'm doing. I tell her I'm really really scared. She tells me that we have a lot of tests to get through and it's going to take a long time to get to the bottom of this. She says "You've got to try to keep it together." I tell her I'll try.
Andrew comes back.
She wants to take blood samples but she can't find my veins.
She's tied off my arm and she poking and prodding but she can find it. She says she doesn't want to try and miss, so she's going to go and get someone else. She comes back with an RN who also has some trouble finding it too. She asks the other one where she tried, she says she hasn't.
They have both found the place where the blood was taken for the original blood work a few days ago. The RN wants to put a lock in "just in case". I know what that means, it means that she thinks that I will either be getting more blood drawn or need an IV, or other various injections. She pokes at the back of my hand. She manages to fill a tube and then says, "Ah, forget the lock here it's not working, I'll put it in your arm for now." And she puts it where the original blood work was taken. She fills up many long tubes and then leaves with them. A few moments later she comes back to make sure it's the right names on the tubes, because it was the other girl who stuck them on. A bottle in a bag has been left on the table. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to pee in it, but no one has asked me to, so I don't.
We don't talk much.
I say to Andrew "This is all just in my head, I was so traumatized by what happened last time, I'm imagining that it's happening again. They'll come back and tell me it's all in my head and everything is fine." Andrew says "Yeah, I guess, probably." But he doesn't look at me.
After what seems like hours of "keeping it together" The ER doctor comes in and asks me some more questions, mostly about bleeding and shoulder pain, but this time there's no bleeding or shoulder pain. Then she says they are just waiting for the blood test, but that I will need to see the Gynecologist. She notices the bag with the bottle, she gives it to me and asks me to pee in it. Says she'll be back for it.
By now I am bleeding.
I didn't bleed at all last time.
Andrew goes to tell someone.
It's getting later and later eventually the gynecologist comes, and he say it could be one of three things, ectopic pregnancy, appendicitis, or a ruptured ovarian cyst. He says,he has to make a judgement call on how to proceed at this point because He doesn't have any conclusive evidence. There is an ultra sound machine that could detect an ectopic pregnancy, or ruptured cyst but the technician who knows how to use it has gone home for the night and won't be back until 8am. If he does surgery to rule out ectopic and it's a ruptured cyst then it will end the pregnancy. If it is an burst ovarian cyst it should get better on it's own, however if it's ectopic and it ruptures, I could die. He tells me "I have to make a judgement call here and I really don't know what to do."
Andrew is silent.
They are both looking at me.
I know I'm bleeding, and the pain is getting worse.
I say "If there's a chance for this baby I want to take it even if it's only one percent. I really really want to keep this baby." He looks and Andrew, and Andrew nods. The doctor says "Okay, that makes my decision much easier. We'll get you admitted. You'll go upstairs as soon as there is a bed for you. Do you want some morphine and some gravol for the pain and nausea?" I say "Uhhhhhhh." He says "It's completely safe during pregnancy." So I say yes. He leaves and things seem to happen pretty quickly after that.
Someone comes to ask me about medical coverage and I'm told I'll be going to a ward room.
When I'm all settled in up stairs in a room on a bed, Andrew leaves, says he'll be back at eight am.
My night passes in a painful anxious haze. Even through the drugs the pain is getting worse. People come and go, take my blood pressure, temperature, and check my pulse. I keep asking them if it's morning yet. More morphine and finally the sun rises. The Gynecologist comes back and says he's going home. I'm going have the ultra sound as soon as the technician gets there and a different doctor will decide how to proceed.
The rest is just waiting.
Andrew comes back. He looks tired.
And we wait.
Finally I go down for the ultra sound.
It gets sent to the doctor.
I go back up stairs and there's more and more waiting.
We don't talk much, just hold hands. His hand is warm and comforting.
Andrew says he's going to go for a coffee. I can tell the waiting is getting to him.
While he's gone the doctor comes.
The doctor is a lady and she says that the pregnancy is ectopic in the right tube and it has ruptured. There is blood in my abdominal cavity. I am on the list for the next surgery and I will go in as soon as possible, I am next in line unless an emergency comes in a I get bumped.
I don't say much. I listen to everything she has to say.
She finally leaves and I'm through keeping it together.
I knew that something was wrong, because somethings you just know. Pain like that isn't normal or healthy.
I can't stop crying.
It feels like forever until Andrew comes back. He has his coffee in hand.
I can only shake my head.
I'm just crying and crying. He asks what's wrong but he knows. He forces me to say it anyways.
And he's holding me and we are both crying.
The moment stretches out into a lifetime, the life time of the second baby I am losing this year. For these few moments, it's still alive and within me. But the moments don't last long enough.
I say: "It's just not meant to be."
Andrew says: "At least this time I'm not worried about losing you too."
I say: "I want to see Ben."
And Andrew goes to try and find out how much time we have and figure out if he can go and get Ben in time.
First the nurse says I'm going right now, get ready they are getting everything ready. So we say oh well so much for that.
She comes back a few moments later and says I've been bumped and I won't be going for at least four hours. So Andrew leaves right away.
The nurse comes back after twenty minutes and says I've not been bumped after all. Has my husband gone to get my son already? Do I want to go now? I say I want to go, because I just want it over with. She goes to set everything in monition.
Twenty minutes later Ben walks in with my Mum, and I say "You're just in time to see me! I'm leaving right now!" And behind him they wheel in the bed. There is time for a few quick cuddles and we all go down the hallway together and get into the elevator. Ben asks about my IV. He asks me why the bed is so big. He asks me if it hurts. He says he hopes that they can help me feel better. I tell him that I love him and I'll be home as soon as I can but probably not until tomorrow.
I go through the door and down a long hallway.
Andrew leaves to take them home. He'll come straight back and see me in recovery.
The wait in the operating room is very hard.
Last time I was in screaming pain and everything was happening so fast, they put me under right away, I was just screaming and screaming. This time I'm just crying. I can hear the clinking of the instruments they are getting out and I wonder why it's taking so long. I can help but remember a program I heard about people who aren't affected by anesthetic.
Finally they put me under.
The next thing I know It's all over an I'm in recovery.
They take me upstairs and Andrew is there waiting.
He says I look good. Much better than last time.
We are back in my room. He holds my hand. I drift in and out a lot. Around 9pm he has to go home. Says he'll be back first thing in the morning to take me home.
The night is long and hard.
I'm lonely and drugged.
I'm hallucinating and it hurts.
The worst is over, physically I'm out of danger.
The rest, what's left, it's all emotional.
It's still hard to think about.
They say no, in no uncertain terms there will be no pregnancies. The "good" tube is gone, and the other one is full of scar tissue. The doctor said it was not viable.
All I can do now is look to the child I already have.
And be grateful and thankful for my husband, who loves me so much and has stood beside me through this hard time. I know it's not easy for him either.
I have to keep reminding myself, it could be much much worse. I could have no children at all. And for the second time this year, I could very easily have just died.
But as long as I am alive, and I have this one beautiful amazing boy, and this wonderful husband, plus the rest of my family, I will try to remember my blessings and concentrate on what I do have. Doesn't mean I'm not mourning what I lost, that I'm not totally and utter devastated. I am. But I also know that my heart still has the capacity for joy and happiness and that things won't be this sad forever.

So there it is.

Converstaion I had with a customer the other day.

2010-07-17T20:53:00.002-04:00

I know I shouldn't have but I just couldn't help myself. And I would not have if she hadn't been really really rude......

We have a shoe right now that comes in three colours; black, cream and a sort of faux snake skin. The black one is regular price, the cream on is on sale and the faux snake skin is clearance. So a customer approaches me with the cream shoe in her hand and we have the following conversation:

Customer: "This shoe is on sale."
Me: "Yes it's on sale for $27.99" (or whatever the sale price is I can't remember)
Customer: "No." Points to different colour shoe of the same style that is clearance "It's on sale for $15"
Me: "No. That colour is $15, the cream coloured one is $27.99"
Customer: "But they're the same shoe they should be on sale for the same price."
Me: "Well.........they're not. The different colours are different prices."
Customer: "But they're exactly the same!!"
Me: "So.......Why don't you get the $15 one then?"
Customer: "Well, I don't like that one. "
Me: "But they're exactly the same."
Customer: "No, they're not. "
Me: "But you just said...."
Customer: "Well, they are the same shoe but they are different colours."
Me: "Yep, and the different colours are different prices."
Customer: "But why?!!"
Me: "Well, why don't you like the faux snake skin coloured one?"
Customer: "I just don't"
Me: "I guess that colour is not as popular so they put it on clearance for $15."
Customer: "Well, can't you just give it to me for $15?!!"
Me: "Um, no."

In the end she bought the cream coloured one.

Fathers Day at Center Island 2010

2010-06-21T01:49:00.002-04:00

Love is......

2010-06-02T19:50:00.005-04:00

For my Mum's last birthday we went to a buffet restaurant where everyone can find a little something that they like. My favorite part is, of course, the dessert. I try to have a little taste of everything and when I got to the ice cream section I scooped one scoop of lime sorbet and one scoop of orange sorbet. It was a delicious combination and as soon as I tasted it I knew it was something that Andrew would love. We have very very different taste in food, but I have a pretty good idea when I taste something if he will like it or not. I turned to Andrew to tell him that he would love this combination and he should go and get some. He tapped his bowl with his spoon, smiled and said "Soooooooo good!" He had the EXACT SAME THING in his bowl. "I was going to say you should try it, but I see that you already have."

Out and about!

2010-05-15T14:05:00.005-04:00

Slowly, slowly, I'm venturing out of the house and trying to actually do stuff again! Last Friday I went over to my girl friend's house with my boys for dinner and watched some videos. I was really worried that it would be too much for me, but it wasn't it was nice and relaxing!
On Wednesday I walked slowly (two blocks maybe) to our local. I was thinking that since I am no longer drugged up I could maybe have a good old fashion drink, unfortunately by the time we got there I was so exhausted that I had to give the alcohol a miss, I did however enjoy nachos and ice tea.
Then yesterday day oh boy, I went to Scarborough Town Center with my Mum, had lunch and did some shopping. It was hard, I'm not going to say it was easy, because I'm still pretty weak, but it's sure good to know that it's possible. I went to three different stores to try on dresses, and I found three lovely ones at the last store we went to.
It's taking a really long time but I've gone from being stuck in bed covered in bruises with brief painful trips to the bathroom, to walking to the living room to sit on the sofa and getting on the computer, to venturing down stairs to watch movies, to actually leaving the house and walking around in the world!
I still find that everyone else moves way too fast for me, and I still get really exhausted if I try to move too fast or do too much. The most important thing is, even thought it's taking a long time, I am making noticeable progress.

No one talks about this, why is no one talking about this?

2010-05-07T15:24:00.006-04:00

In trying to come to terms with what happened to me and how it's affecting my family I have received a lot of support from friends and family.

Which is great.

Keep it coming as I need it. I mean like I really really need it and it helps.

But here's the thing; A lot of people I know have had miscarriages. Not as spectacularly as me granted, they didn't have internal ruptures and almost die, but they have lost. And every person who has confided in me has said "Don't tell anyone but...." and I'm not just talking about one or two people here. In fact, I'm starting to wonder who this hasn't happened to.
Now I would never want to share what isn't mine to share, and I would never want anyone to think that I am not trust worthy, so no names or specifics.
But this is common.
More common than you think. And no one wants anyone to know it happened to them. And no one wants to talk about it. Well, I'm gonna talk about it. This stuff is very very personal, and very sensitive, but I'm not going to be ashamed of it or pretend it didn't happen. I'm not implying in anyway that people who don't talk about it are ashamed or pretending it didn't happen. As I said this is very very personal stuff and I don't blame anyone for not wanting to talk about it.
The first thing I want to address is the feeling of having done something wrong. I know in my logically thinking brain that I did nothing wrong, but that doesn't stop me from going over and over my actions to discover what I could have done differently to prevent this tragedy. I didn't cause this and I couldn't have prevented it. There is no way I could have kept this baby and carried it to term. I could have avoided the rupture but that's not the point. Yet this feeling of having caused it is sometimes very overwhelming. Not to mention the guilt, and also feeling somehow defective or less of a woman. This is normal, this gult, this feeling of doing wrong, and it's something that you just have to go through and pass through.

The next thing I want to adress is "Why me?". It feels really unfair that so many women become pregnant accidentally and then decide not to keep their babies. Yes, it is her right to decide that, and no, I'm not making any political statements about whether this is right or wrong, good or bad, I'm just saying that it really hurts. You want to say, "Well, can I have the baby? If you don't want it and I do?". It also seem like everybody around you has just become pregnant, is pregnant or has just had a baby. You do find yourself asking why is she so lucky? Why does she get to keep what I lost? Well, I'm certianly not the first to notice this, but life in general is just not fair. Still, I feel somehow wronged by the universe, especially after trying for so long and given my history. While it's normal to ask these questions, to have these feelings, there is no answer. There is no reason, just like winning the lottery, it will happen to some people and not others. No I don't deserve this, any more than I deserve all the good things in my life. Is just is what it is.

The last thing that I need to address is the child I already have / the children (oh pleasepleasepleaseplease) I may have in the future. Grieving for the child I lost does not in anyway mean I do not love/ am not greatful for the one I already have. I know I am lucky to have him. I know he is amazingly wonderful. That doesn't make this loss hurt any less. One woman said to me recently "But you do have one and that's one more than I have". Yikes! It's true. Some people are even less lucky than I and they don't have that one amazing child, still doesn't make it hurt any less for me right now. As for the possibility of more children in the furture, well, I don't want those children, I want the one I had! The one I already love! The one that was already a part of me and died before she even had a chance to live. Two months may not seem like a long time, but it was a life time for her. And to be frank and honest, especially given my histroy and what just happened, this is not even remotely something I can count on. I can't say that I am healthy and fertile. I'm not. There 's a really good chance this is as close as I'll ever get to a second child. So I find no solice in the possiblity that at some point in the future I may still yet have another child. I might, I might not, and for that matter none of us knows what is going to happen from one day to the next.

To all the women who have lost:
You are not alone.
I know what you are going through.
I'm sorry for your loss, and if you want to talk about it, you know where to find me.

Ruptured Ectopic Pregnancy

2010-04-24T19:33:00.005-04:00

Ruptured Ectopic Pregnancy

For the last few months I've been fond of saying "A lot can happen in three months." after the nature of my Father's death.
Well, for the next few months I guess I'll be saying "A lot can happen in three days." after my recent experience which, thankfully, has a happy ending.

It's completely devastating, heartbreaking and also very, very personal.
It's also something every women who is trying to conceive should know about.
It happened to me last Monday (April 19th 2010) and because I didn't know what was happening I could have died. Luckily my husband had the good sense to call 911 and not listen to me when I claimed it would pass and I would probably be fine in a few hours.
An ectopic pregnancy is not that dangerous when detected early and properly treated. Left unchecked however it poses a serious threat to a woman's life as a rupture will cause severe internal damage and bleeding. (Not to mention unbelievable agony.)

Andrew and I have been trying to have a second child for some time now. In the past I have told people when the ask the completely unintentionally insensitive question "When are you having your next child?" That: one is enough, or we can't afford more, or some other excuse that saves me having to explain that according to medical science I should not even have the one child that I have already. Especially since so many people say that since I've had one I can obviously have more. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. And I may be over sharing slightly when I say that The Amazing Fantastic Benjamin was preceded by literally YEARS of unprotected sex (wiggle eyebrows suggestively to personal taste at this point).

How does that old saying go? Even a fool knows that you cannot touch the clouds, but this does not stop a genius from trying. (Or something along those lines).

So yes, we have been trying. But no, I did not know that I was pregnant. Nor did I know I was rapidly heading towards a crisis. My recovery will not be quick or easy and yes, I am in a lot of pain.

You may ask, if I wanted this baby (very, very much in fact), and I lost it in such a fantastically painful and dangerous way, how could this possibly have a happy ending?

Well, thanks to the wonderfully skilled and amazing staff of nurses, doctors, and surgeons at Scarborough General Hospital , I was stabilized quickly and able to have life saving surgery to fix up all the internal damage. I was kept in hospital for three days and I could not have asked for better care, as all the staff I came into contact with were really wonderful, kind, and caring.
The happy ending is that I am alive and recovering. And that against the odds I do have The Amazing Fantastic Benjamin. So while I am sad (and bruised, and in heaps of pain) I also know how truly blessed I am, and I refuse to focus on what I have lost while I still have so much.

My family is taking good care of me and I am surrounded by so much love that I can't help but feel lucky.

That is all.
God Bless and Goodnight.

All quiet on the Western front....

2010-04-12T00:19:00.005-04:00

I've not been online much lately I know.
My computer died (so sad I know, my husband is trying to give it a new ghost so hopefully I'll have my very own working computer once again) as you've probably already heard.
Well I've not been idle.
I'm actually working on a new book of photography.
I think it's almost ready.......
.......to be continued.

This is such a hard post to write.

2009-12-15T16:33:00.006-05:00

As you have most likely already heard if you know me from anywhere else, my Father died on December 3rd following a brief albeit painful battle with lung cancer. Strange to call it a battle, as he didn't have a fighting chance. The disease progressed very quickly and it took us all by surprise. His last month alive was spent in agony, and I'm very glad that he is no longer suffering.
He had made his peace with life and he was ready to go.
May God Rest His Soul
Gerald Cowling Platel February 19 1932 - December 3rd 2009

Workin' Girl.

2009-11-20T17:58:00.005-05:00

Wow.
Such sheer craziness!
In the last month my life has been turned upside down, shaken, stirred and then latterly flipped!
There have been huge developments and major changes, definitely a transition time.
First of all Andrew (aka The Husband) was laid off. His company down sized and they let a ton of people go. Even though he'd been there for over a year he was the last one hired so there was no chance they were going to keep him. A few days after that my Father (who lives with us) was diagnosed with cancer. As a result of this my Mother (who also lives with us) left her job to be with Dad. Which I wholeheartedly support, but, with Andrew's recent lay off, that meant NO ONE in our house hold was actually working, or earning money.
Yikes! So, last week I gots me some employment. Only part time for now, as I'm easing back into it slowly (it has been five years after all). The husband is taking really well to his new (unpaid) job as primary caregiver, but there are still a few bumps to bump over. Going back only part time is making it a lot easier on all of us.
*Side note: I'm getting really frustrated with constantly having to justify/explain this decision to people.*
And yes, I'm afraid I've gone back to retail. And yes, I know I swore I never ever ever would, but lets face it folks, under current circumstances there's no way I'm going back to school, and retail is what I know best. BUT, (and yes it is a big butt ;) I really really like this company, and it's one I've shopping at for years. I like s it, and I can say with integrity, "this is good sh*t, I would buy it and I think you should too!" So through Christmas at least I'm just working as a part time sales person, starting way at the bottom, with the intention of moving up afterwords. (provided that I can cut it and the company really as good to work for as it seems at first glance.) So yeah, I am resigning my post as a stay at home Mum. I'm now a going to work Mum.
That's all the really big stuff.
It's been hard, I'm not going to pretend this last month has been in any way easy it hasn't been, but I'm coping as well as can be expected, and I even manged to make a book while all this was going on!
Anyhoo, feel free to say some prayers for me, or send me some positive vibrations, or light me a candle, or do what ever spiritual thing you would do to love and support someone in my current position, goodness knows I need it.
Peace y'all

Beautiful Ontario- The book

2009-11-16T10:12:00.005-05:00

Great news everybody!
Beautiful Ontario the photography exhibition is now available in book form from lulu.
So if you liked the show, and you'd like to own it all, now you can!

BLOG ACTION DAY!!!

2009-10-15T12:30:00.003-04:00

In honor of Blog Action Day, I'm posting a link to one of the best blog post I read on climate change.
LINK!
I'm not registering in thought, cause it's not mine.
And while it wasn't posted today, I'm reposting it today!
So enjoy!

Great Success!

2009-10-07T16:49:00.005-04:00

We're up!We had a great launch party last night.
So many friendly smiling faces, and so much support.
The install was insanely stressful and a lot of really hard work (for Andrew) but seeing it all there put together I know it was all worth it. (Andrew agrees). My full exhibition is now available for viewing online in the gallery section of our website (link on the right.) Check it out and let me know what you think.I'll post pictures from the party if any come my way. I didn't bring my camera because I knew I wouldn't be able to host and take good pictures at the same time.
Here is a bad photo from my cell phone of my wall!

Mistakes you can make while framing....

2009-10-04T20:11:00.002-04:00

Not that I or anyone I know have made any of these mistakes or anything
*ahem*

Mistake #1 Putting your photo in the frame, putting the mat down, attaching the hooks to the backing, stringing the wire, putting the backing in, fastening the clips, screwing the backing into place, turning the frame around and noticing that the glass is not clean and there are little specks on your photo.

Mistake #2 Putting your photo in the frame, putting the mat down, attaching the hooks to the backing, stringing the wire, putting the backing in, fastening the clips, screwing the backing into place, turning the frame around and noticing that you actually strung the wire at the bottom of the frame instead of the top. D’oh!

Mistake #3 Going to unscrew the backing and realizing that you have completely stripped the screws when you put them in.

Mistake #4 Cleaning the inside of the glass of the frame, putting the picture down with the mat, checking it (see #1 & #2) finding a speck, taking everything out again and cleaning the glass again, putting it all back in, finding the specks still there, repeating and repeating until you figure out the speck is on the mat and not the glass.

Mistake #5 Misplacing one of your highly specialized tools and deciding that your finger nails will work just as well, breaking your fingernail in half, thinking “wow, won’t try that again”, putting everything together and checking it (see #1, #2, & #3) only to find the broken half of your finger nail under the mat. Ewwwwwww!

Mistake #6 Getting distracted while you are framing and going away half way through, then coming back after some time, thinking everything is put together then picking the frame up and having everything fall out because you didn’t actually screw the screws in.

Mistake #7 Dropping all the small screws on the ground and then wondering if you really need all the screws that came with it (You really, really do.)

Mistake #8 Calling out the wrong name in bed (Oh wait, that might actually belong on another top ten list…..)

Mistake # 9 Framing until the wee hours of the morning when you are so tired that you do not realize that you are making all the above mistakes repeatedly.

Mistake # 10 Greatly under estimating how long it will take you to frame all that stuff and procrastinating so that it’s all left until the last minute so that you are forced to stay up until the wee hours of the morning framing.

Status update: All ready to go! WOOOOOOO!

Because everyone likes free stuff.....

2009-09-29T22:36:00.006-04:00

In keeping with tradition I will be "raffling" one of my photographs at our opening on Tuesday night. So when guests arrive at Insomnia to celebrate the opening of our Exhibition they will receive a ticket (free of course) just for showing up! At some random point in the evening (ie, whenever I fell like it) I will draw a number, and the person who has the ticket with that number on it will receive an 8x10 photograph of mine in a snazzy frame and everything.
This is one of my favorite things about launching our shows, looking over all the expectant faces as I read the number while everyone holds their breath, hoping they will be the lucky one. I remember the first year, the winner actually squealed with joy and started jumping up and down. Ah, good times, good times. (So if you happen to come, and happen to win, this is how I expect you to react ;)
Anyhoo, here's the photo I'll be raffling,
It's titled "Holding On" Taken in Niagara Falls Ont. 2009

Venue

2009-09-27T17:51:00.005-04:00

I just came across a review of the venue where my photography exhibition will be this October, so if you are wondering about insomnia, hear about how great it is from someone who isn't me ;)

ART SHOW!!!

2009-09-24T13:17:00.003-04:00

Man these things can really sneak up on you!
I can't believe we are installing in only a couple of weeks. I have updated the news section of our website with my artist statement for this show. I must say I'm getting really excited. It goes without saying that I hope this year is successful.
Wish me luck!

Incase you hadn't heard I went to a concert last night....

2009-09-18T14:03:00.005-04:00

It was at the Rogers Center.
There were A LOT of people there.
It was full of Awesome.

I want to live in the forest forever too!

2009-09-14T10:06:00.012-04:00

That was Ben's comment when we had to leave. That he wanted to live in the forest forever. I don't blame him, the weather was absolutely perfect and he had not only his Mum and Dad there to play with him but also Auntie Nikki and Charlie.
We rented a car that was quickly dubbed "The Boat" because it was so huge, a Chevy Impala. Black, but you could still see the orange and green paint under the scratches from when it was a cab. We left early on Friday and followed Nikki and Charlie there, stopping briefly only once for lunch. Almost as soon as we got to the camp site (after pitching the tents of course,) we went swimming in Cypress lake. It was really wonderful.
There was a light inside the car that none of us could figure out how to turn off which eventually drained the battery. Luckily Nikki had booster cables.
We swam in three different huge bodies of water (except for Ben whom I didn't toss into the Georgian Bay, far too cold for him) There were huge cliffs that people were jumping off of (not us) despite the signage. The cliffs were a bit of a hike along the Bruce trail, but it was nice.
We rented a canoe.
We it was awesome.
We ate very well, and it was very, very relaxing.
The photos are all out of order but I'm too lazy to correct them.

Huh, I always assumed that I looked really pretty while playing soccer......

2009-08-24T19:25:00.007-04:00

Even though I've been known to fall down on occasion, I sweat like a pig, and I run as fast as I can so all my wobbly bits well....... wobble.
I just assumed that I looked very graceful and sporty.
Turns I don't.
I had Andrew take some photos of me while I was playing, thinking I would have something to display proudly as in "See how cute and athletic I am?".

Well, now I'm thinking "See how hard I play? I mean business! This isn't about looking all cute and sporty, oh no, this is a serious game. "
Actual I don't take it very seriously (how can I when we've never actually, um, won a game?) but I do play to the best of my ability. I cheer my team on enthusiastically and I don't suck (as much as I used to)
Oh, and apparently I grimace a lot.

Ah well, it's still good fun.
As for our team standings, I do believe that we played our best game ever yesterday, at both half times we were actually in the lead. We scored actual goals We lost both games in the end and we are back in 8th (read: last) place again.
But all hope is not lost as we have one more game left to play, so there's still a (slim) chance we could actually win a game. Here's a wider shot of the field from the first time we played on this field. (Notice how all the girls on my team look graceful sporty and athletic?!)

Also kudos to Dan, who showed up to play last Sunday even though it was his Birthday. P.S. I ended up buying new shoes, I couldn't stand to play in the other foot pinching ones. Hopefully I will play again at some point in the future......

Is it over yet? Is it over yet? Is it over yet?

2009-07-31T09:33:00.003-04:00

I'm worse than a small child in the back seat on a long trip.
I can hardly take it!
All this week people every where are saying the strike is over, before it was ratified by the workers, and then local 416 canceled their vote, and then some city councilors declared they were going to vote the deal down.
I'm reading a live blog of the meeting right now.
If the deal gets voted down, then they will go right back out onto the picket line, the garbage won't get cleaned up, (or picked up next week), and my dream of heading to Centerville over the August long weekend will never be realized.
Worse still, I'm afraid that if this deal falls through then they are destined to end the strike with binding arbitration, and as much as I want it over, I don't want it all to have been for naught.
I feel that Grandfathering the sick days bank is an acceptable compromise. (Oh sorry, I meant "Grandparenting" I really did). Either that or, the strike will just go on and on and on.
My father assures me that the councilors will pass it, even though I see the one for our own district is planning to vote no.
The truth is I just really really want the strike to be over.

New shoes for the summer season. (uh, soccer season that is!)

2009-07-19T21:40:00.005-04:00

So today my soccer team play the first game of the summer season.
We lost 4-0, but it really should have been a loss of 1-0, as the last three were scored in quick succession during the last five minutes of the game.
I decided that I liked the spring season well enough to spring for proper soccer cleats, the only thing was, so late in the season, I had a little trouble finding them. After a day of searching I found some at Sport Check at the STC, and I had a choice between a pair that was actually half a size smaller than I usually wear, black and white for $19.88 or ones that fit just right, white with pink piping for $79.99.
If you know me well, then you know which ones I bought with out me having to say, and if you know Andrew well, you know that he told me to buy the other ones. Well, in my defense, they fit okay in the store, and the sales person (who just happened to also be the manager) told me the would loosen up in after a few wears.
So I get to the game today and I'm late, which is fine because as you may know we are not v.v. serious (although more serious this season as we have two new players who actually know how to play), but it seems we are a player short! So as quick as I can I get into my shorts, (not easy as there is no changing room) my super fluffy soccer sock, and ram my feet into my new shoes. Well, I toughed it out for as long as I could and then, when thankfully another player arrived, I hobbled off the field and took of me shoes and socks. (At this point wondering why the heck I didn't bring back up running shoes, the ones that I played last season in). Then I put just the shoes back on. Which was a little bit gross feeling, but at least a bit more comfortable. After that I did notice that one player on the other team was not wearing any socks either.
So looks like I'll be going sockless this season (and the money I would have saved on shoes will be spent on waxing ;)
I suppose I should have listened to my husband!

New hair and a Wedding!

2009-07-01T14:19:00.004-04:00

Ready for something dramatic?
I chopped off most of my hair and died the underhair
BRIGHT FIRE ENGINE RED!!!!
It's the coolest hair I've ever had. I wasn't too sure about it at first because the stylist insisted on straightening it with a hot iron, but I like it better now that it's been washed. (It's a bit fluffy though.)

I did it so that I could look super stylish for Dan and Maria's wedding, which was yesterday and absolutely fabulous. It was the biggest wedding we've ever been to and we were seated soooooo close to the head table!!! I felt really honored and touched.
It was also like a little reunion, with old friends coming in from all over the place. I've known Dan since highschool (Andrew's known him a bit longer) and he's more family than friend. We all love Maria lots, and it was great to see this awesome couple finally make it all nice and legal. The bride was of course drop dead gorgeous, and the groom was not only hansom but also very well behaved ;)
It proved to be a bit too much for Ben who lasted through the actual service but wouldn't stay for dinner.
(His exact words were "Mummy I've had all together too much of this and I need to go home RIGHT NOW." to which I responded okay lets just eat a little first. Then I took him into the dinning room, where they had a lovely buffet of appetizers, and when he saw the size of the room and all the tables and the chandeliers and all the decoration he had a complete melt down. So, Andrew took him directly to Tim Hortin's and then home!)
The food was so good, starting with a cold appetizer buffets (salads, and cheeses, and other lovely treats). Dinner proper started with a shrimp and scallop skewer with fancy greens (wrapped in a long thin cucumber slice), followed by a pallet cleanser, then a pasta course (penne in tomato sauce and a sort of cheese in a pasta pouch tied up in a green onion, no idea what it's really called but it's was v.v. tasty!) , then steak and potatoes with veggies. Berries with cream for dessert, and twenty a million cakes each one as delicious as the last (with ice cream too of course). At the very end a chocolate fountain!!!
I decided not to take pictures at the wedding because I wanted to enjoy every moment rather than capture it in photographs. Besides I'm sure some pictures will come my way eventually.

I have no sympathy. Dam you CUPE Local 416 and CUPE Local 79!

2009-06-26T09:30:00.007-04:00

I am personally pissed off because this strike is preventing me from visiting Centerville on Center island, due to lack of ferry service. Their web site is currently displaying this message:

Centreville News Flash!
Dear Guests, It is with great regret we advise you that Toronto Civic Employees' Union Local 416's choice to strike has caused Centreville to close. Without these workers, the City can not operate the ferries or maintain the park in a safe manner. This strike has put over 400 Centreville seasonal employees out of work. We hope that the city and the union will come to a swift conclusion. Our plan will be to resume operation the first full day the workers are back to work. Please check back here for any updates. We hope to see you on the Island very soon!

And as I may have mentioned, we decided to spring for season passes this year. Not that they are insanely expensive, but they are not cheap and we are on a limited budget.

The idea was to have the option to just go there any day we'd like this summer, and the only expense would be the cost of the ferry ride. I wonder if they will give us a refund? Probably not, not like it was their choice to close the park. From our two visits this year, and our many visits last year I can say that Centerville employs A LOT of students. I wonder how these student feel now that their summer jobs have diappeared.

Also, all Canada Day celebrations will be canceled if the strike continues. (Which it will, there is pretty much no chance of it being resolved today.)

That, and if you know The Boy at all, you know that one of the things he looks forward to all week is watching the garbage truck every Thursday. He was actually crying on Wednesday night. Poor little guy.

Not to mention that some Toronto parks have now been designated temporary dump sites. Garbage in public parks is always a great idea!
Maybe we should change out tourism ads to:

"Come to Toronto! We stink......... Literally!"

I have do not support this strike at all, and I hope that these unions are able to resolve it quickly before they ruin everyone's summer.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Plastic bags and Toilet paper

2009-06-05T23:01:00.001-04:00

The other day I went into a popular Canadian retailer who is currently promoting their "green" products. I ending up buying some stuff and when I said "No bag for me today thanks." The sales associate seemed somewhat appalled that I would rather carry my newly purchased "green" products in my canvas bag than a plastic one of theirs (which of course sported a huge logo.) It was the way she said "Oh.......well.....okay." and waved her hands dismissively in the air. It was also the way she looked at me.
I didn't say anything because I really am not one of those crazy die hard environmentalists, and I wasn't about to cause a scene. (Besides the actions of one sales associate do not necessarily reflect the company's policies) but I was a little bit upset by it.
Personally I consider the plastic bag to be one of the worst things there is.
Easy, readily available, and totally unnecessary. A real sign of the decadence of our society and how ignorant we are about how our everyday convenient choices impact the planet on which we live. (Yeah, I know, but re read the warning at the top)
I'm not saying I never ever ever use a plastic bag. I'll admit that in a pinch I've taken them. But I hate the fact that they are available at all. If it were up to me, they wouldn't be.

Well luckily, they now must charge 5 cents a bag in Toronto, so retailers will probably assume that I'm cheap rather than a weirdo.
While I think that this a basically a step in the right direction, that's more because it will create awareness around the issue of plastic bags, than actually act as a deterrent, or reduce plastic bag use.
I also have a big problem with attaching a monetary penalty to plastic bags. Because that's basically the same as saying you can be decadent and wasteful as long as you are willing to pay for it.
Sadly the biggest concern around this issue right now seems to be centered on who will get the five cents.

(But what about the toilet paper? The title is "Plastic bags and Toilet paper"! Yeah, well, seriously, don't get me started!!!)

It really isn't about who wins or loses....

2009-05-29T11:13:00.005-04:00

And I'm not just saying that because we lost seven nil. (Was it seven? I lost track after a while)
The point is I had a great time, I got lots of fresh air and exercise, and I have something fun to look forward to every Sunday evening.
Who cares if I suck?
And why shouldn't I suck?
I've haven't played since like what? Grade six?
So I need to learn how to play, before I can stop sucking. (Anyways It's not as though I personally brought the entire team down all by myself.) Everyone has to start somewhere, and how will I ever improve if I don't play?
I actually came up with a pretty good working strategy, if the other team has the ball and the player is thinking and trying to aim, I just run right at them as fast as I can as if I'm totally going to steal the ball from them. Then they are forced to make a quick move as apposed to a good move. (There is only a problem if I actually reach that other player. Then I'm just standing there all like "Ohia! Can I has dat ball pleeze?" and making some feeble kicks in the generally direction of the ball.)
Some one came up with the brilliant idea of going early next Sunday to practice before the game. And there was even some talk about maybe possibly getting snazzy matching jerseys!!
The best thing about the game last week, my team totally supported my effort, and instead of commenting about how much I suck, they said that I played with heart.
Awwwwww!
How sweet and supportive is that?
I'm really glad that I got stupidly drunk at a birthday party and said I would join the team! Because I don't think I would have shown interest other wise or taken this huge risk.
Sure it would be nice to win a game or two, but I'm much more interested in getting exercise and having fun. I know I'm not a rock super star (or is that a soccer super star?) but I think I'll get better the more I play. Especially with all that lovely encouragement.
So THANK YOU team mates!
And lets play!
Woooooooooooooo!

I've reached my decision regarding the art show.

2009-05-08T12:51:00.008-04:00

I'm going to go with photography this year. In fact, I'm completely ready to go! Have prints, frames and everything! I have decided to go with really f'en big, so they will be 16x20
I find it really difficult to paint "on demand" and to do enough painting to form a "collection" so I'm choosing the low stress option. That doesn't mean I'm not still painting, I am (sort of) but instead of painting with a purpose, I'm painting for sheer pleasure (much more fun) and perhaps I'll show paintings next year....

Here is my favorite photo that will be included in the show.

Taken in Niagara Falls Ontario March 2009

Sorry for the nasty logo and web address on the photo but since I'm actually trying to sell this I don't want it popping up anywhere!
Actually I've already given a print of this to someone as a birthday present.

Five months? My that's a long time!

2009-04-17T17:10:00.003-04:00

Well it's not been five months yet, but it will be in a few days.
So five months smoke free without even a small puff of tobacco.
Have I finally done it?
I guess only time will tell. It's not the first time I've attempted to quite smoking. Though I must admit I've never had such a strong monetary motivation (smoke are so expensive and we have so little money), nor such strong moral motivation (preschoolers being so impressionable).
But I gotta say, I don't like it. I still like the idea of being a smoker. When I see people puffing away I don't think "yuck that's so nasty." I very quickly calculate the odds of me getting away with knocking them down and stealing their cigarette. I still have dreams in which I am smoking, the most memorable one being:

I am out at a club dancing and having a great time with some of my friends. I go out for numerous smoke brakes, but every time the pack of smokes is full. At the end of the evening I step out side and feel a little sad that it's over and time to head home. Then I remember that I was supposed to quit smoking. I am holding a full pack of smokes. I cannot take them home because if Andrew finds out I've been smoking I will get in big trouble, so in the infinite wisdom of dreams, I decide I will walk home (from down town) and I will smoke them all on the way.

After we quite, I was constatntly looking forward to Christmas eve, becuase there are always cigars. I got through the entire first month by thinking that I just need to wait until Christmas eve and then I can have a lovely cigar. So wouldn't you know, there were no cigars on Christmas eve. Our very considerate friends decided it wouldn't be wise seeing as we were just a month into quitting.
The way I'm getting through it now is thinking "well, it's not forvever, it's just until Ben moves out on his own, so another what? 18, 19 years?
I don't think I'll be able to go in for the whole "social smoking" thing, sounds just like "weekend smoking" to me. Some people say it works as long as you don't buy pack, but no one loves a mooch do they?
Anyhoo, I just wanted to let everyone know that Andrew and I are still goin strong!
Huzzah!

Oh goodness! They're breeding!

2009-03-24T17:31:00.002-04:00

The green one in the front is mine, but where did the other one come from? Seriously it was just there one morning o_O

Yet another delima....

2009-03-21T21:19:00.004-04:00

Okay, so as you may or may not know, I have an art show coming up. It's not for a while so I have some time to prepare, but first I must decide what to prepare.
I'm taking the smallest section of the place (front wall) and I'm tempted to do strictly photography this time around.
Photography looks really nice in the front section, but, is it worth it? The price of prints of a larger than standard size is pretty high, and framing cost for said prints are even higher. 8x10 prints and frames are more reasonable but how high a price point is reasonable for an 8x10 print? In the first show I charged $50 (included a frame and mat) and I sold a reasonable amount of them, but, didn't make a huge profit.
I could do strictly 8x10 prints at a higher price point, say $75, and that would make it more worth while, as I could display a lot of them. (although it could be I only sold so many at the first show because of the great price point) I could do less quantity of a large size, hoping that they will sell and potentially lose the cost of printing and framing (not to mention then being stuck with large photos that will make me angry whenever I see them because they cost so much to produce and didn't sell). Or, I could do a mix of the two, say maybe three large ones and the rest small. And still hope the large ones sell at that price point (undecided as of yet) while having the small ones there that are more likely to sell (because they are cheaper and it's close to Christmas) But then how could I decide which ones to make big? Also can I really justify the initial investment? I'm very confused and conflicted.
There's also the other choice, displaying painting, but the truth is I have only done one painting since the last show, it's not finished yet, and it's not really thrilling. All the good stuff from my last show has been put up around the house and by this point I don't really want to part with it.
So What to do? What to do?
Any thoughts or advice anyone has would be appreciated.....

Happy Anniversary to me again!

2009-03-16T20:41:00.005-04:00

Okay. So we went away to Niagara Falls again this year to celebrate.
It was wonderfully romantic.
The weather was clear and sunny and we spent a lot of time just walking and talking.
We got a two night package which included two breakfast buffets and a voucher for dinner (didn't cover the full cost of dinner, but still).
We booked the suite with a king sized bed and a whirlpool, and when we arrived and checked in, for some reason I still don't understand we were given a complementary upgrade to a jr. presidential suite. This means that we got a whole other room with a big screen TV, sofa, and fake fire place.
We also accidentally bypassed the wait for a table at The Keg. I still maintain it was the fault of the hostess. By the time we realized what had happened it was too late to do anything about it, and they we obviously too polite to do anything anyways so we just enjoyed our dinner and left a generous tip.
All in all it was pretty much a perfect weekend.
I took some amazingly beautiful photographs which I may use in this years show if I decide to go the photography route this year......Here are some other photographs

I like my wounds well salted....

2009-03-11T00:15:00.004-04:00

So I'm finally healthy.
Weeeee! I have no sickness/injury/disease to speak of right now (touch wood).
So two weeks ago I go back to my gym for my dance class and it's great! I had no idea how much I was really missing it, and it felt so awesome to be back.
Last week I was feeling sick again so I didn't go.
I did go this week, and guess what....
THE CLASS HAS BEEN CANCELED FOR EVER!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
My most favorite class, the reason I joined this gym in the first place.
I is not happy.
But on the bright side, The husband and I are getting such a big tax refund this year we have decided to be completely reckless and irresponsible. We are going to Niagara Falls this weekend to celebrate our fourth year of marriage.
I'm really looking forward to Friday!

Okay, everyone knows I ART right?

2009-03-05T21:18:00.004-05:00

And that there is a link to my website in the top right hand corner of my blog?
Well the website has just been updated.
It is announcing our next show, and contains a new blog in the "news" section.
'Cause if there's one thing I need, it's another blog!
So if you like art, or you know someone who likes art, feel free to check it out and tell people about it!

Happy Anniversary to me!

2009-03-03T17:06:00.006-05:00

And my darling Husband too of course.
Four years ago today we exchanged vows and we're still going strong. Due to a sever lack of money we have yet to decide what we will do to celebrate. The last two years we have gone away for a weekend, hopefully we will find away to do it again this year!
On a side note, Andrew has started up a blog of his own! It is of course very different from my myriad of blogs.....

Facebook Protest "Hey Facebook, Breastfeeding is NOT obscene!"

2009-02-20T09:27:00.003-05:00

Okay for those of you on facebook, there will be an online protest tomorrow. This is a cause I really believe in so I will of course be a part of the protest. I won't rehash all the details, I just wanted to post my photo here. It's done in the style of a lolcat photo. So it's a lolmilky! And no, I'm not that clever, I stole the idea from a friend of mine, who is also protesting. I hope that you consider joining the protest too! All you have to do is change your profile photo to a nursing photo, and change your status to. "Hey Facebook, Breastfeeding is NOT obscene!" And maybe they will stop removing nursing photos........ If you do not have a nursing photo, you may use my lolmilky.

Valentines Day Protest....

2009-02-14T18:32:00.005-05:00

Accidentally came across a protest this evening.
Kind of puts things into prospective when you are getting ready to celebrate a romantic evening and you come across a group of heart sick people screaming "WE WANT JUSTICE!" .
The people protesting were Tamils, if you want to know more about their cause, here is the website listed on the pamphlet they gave us.
There are lot of Tamil people living in our area so I'm not surprised to see a protest here.
Sorry for the poor quality of the photos, it was getting dark and they are cell phone photos.

The first thaw of the season is always so beautiful!!

2009-02-11T17:48:00.004-05:00

Okay, since tone of voice doesn't come across on a blog, I guess I should mention I'm being extremely sarcastic. Set aside all the natural yuck lying around (leaves, mud, sticks and such) and set aside all the disgusting litter (mainly cigarette butts, which I can now complain about being a non smoker.) What's left over when the snow melts is always so darn ugly. What really gets me, are the huge pieces of trash that were left for garbage pick up (I assume) and just got missed because they were covered by the snow fall. Like Christmas trees, like specifically my Christmas tree :( which should have been picked up and sent to the chipper for mulching. I wonder what will happen to it now?.............. And old mattresses, old moldy cold mattresses. These are my "hidden treasures" unearthed by today's thaw.
Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad we finally got a thaw, and I'd love to think that spring has sprung already (+8 today WOW!) but that's just wishful thinking, I'm sure we're in for a couple more cold snaps.

Not fair!

2009-02-09T10:54:00.003-05:00

Mumma said there'd be days like this alright.
Ankle is all better now (or close enough to get back to normal) and I'm just starting to get back to my regular routine when I catch this awful sinus cold. I guess I'll never get back to the gym, like ever, it's already been over a month! Half my face is constantly throbbing, my nose is just drip, drip dripping all the time, and I can't think properly. The boy is running wild. I have no energy to contain him and there's no way I'm going to playgroup in this condition. I could take some lovely Advil sinus, which works wonderfully, but it knocks me right out and that would just be irresponsible. while the boy may be out of control at least I can see what he's doing..........
That's one of the hardest things about being a stay at home Mom, no vacation- sure, no holidays - no problem, no sick days? Ack it's just not fair.

New Blog!

2009-02-04T09:37:00.001-05:00

I've started a new blog, to cover other specific areas of my life.

Much much better!

2009-01-31T22:28:00.003-05:00

Okay, I've had enough and I've decided I'm all better. I can do stairs, provided I do them slowly and I can walk on normal snow without great fear. I'm up not to 100%, not say this good, but strong enough to get back to "normal" life. So I'm going to brunch tomorrow, play group on Monday, and even belly dancing. I think I will however wait a little long to resume my yoga. (There's no need to be irresponsible ;)

National Film Board Archives online!

2009-01-23T11:34:00.004-05:00

Just in case you do not know, the National Film Board has its archives online.
You can watch all kinds of stuff in good quality.
Here are a couple ;
The Log driver's Waltz,
The Cat came back,
Balablok
These are just a few cartoons I remember from my youth, they really have all kinds of great stuff on there.

Snow! Snow! Snow!

2009-01-19T12:07:00.003-05:00

Not Alaska, Toronto! Here is a view of all the lovely snow that got dumped on us yesterday. Hopefully it will warm up and melt some before the next big dump!

A snowy excursion

2009-01-18T15:47:00.004-05:00

So I've really had enough of being cooped up in the house. I've repeated "if it were only summer, if it were only summer." so many times over it could be my mantra. But sadly it is not summer, and making my way though the snow with such a tender ankle is difficult at best (especially when the side walks have not been plowed.)
But enough is enough! (Or so I thought this morning.) I said to myself, "It's Sunday and I want brunch so I'm dam well gonna go out and get it!" One of my major problems with leaving the house thus far (aside from the obvious ice and snow) has been that I couldn't get my boots on. Squeezing my foot into a winter boot requires ankle contortion that I was not able to preform. As you can imagine, living in Canada, wearing regular shoes in this weather is not an appealing option. Well, I stopped wearing my tensor bandage on Friday, and I've been (gently) stretching my foot, so I figured I'd give the boot a go. Well, it wasn't exactly painless but I managed to get it on. The journey was slow and treacherous, but Andrew, Ben and myself eventually made it to Wimpy's and had brunch. Surprisingly, getting the boot off was way worse than getting it on. And now my ankle is doing a slow and steady throb. But All in all it was really worth it. Now I can go back to my hermitage, having braved the outside world, until the next fit of restlessness takes me and I have to leave the house again. One thing is for sure. I'm not ready to take Ben out alone yet. It's unbelieveable how many times that boy falls over into the snow. To be honest, I think that he may have been doing it on purpose!

Sad About Stangers....

2009-01-15T13:13:00.003-05:00

The interweb is a wonderful tool for staying connected, right?
I follow blogs of some "famous" people and lots of people I don't know in "real life". Now this is great for lots of reason I won't go into, but there's a real down side that I'm feeling today. I'm crying about a deceased baby I've never met or held. This is not even the child of the person who's blog I'm following. I don't know her parents, but still, I'm very sad. And the worst part is yesterday I was praying for her recovery!
True, I've shed a tear or two over especially sad stories on the radio or in the news paper (don't watch news on TV) but this feels different somehow. There is enough sadness in my life. I can't help these people in their grief, so how does this benefit anyone?
Sorry If I'm a little melancholy, I figure that since the internet caused this sadness, it can absorb some of it.
Please feel free to send me cute pictures, post, stories, etc to cheer me up.

Stupid Ankle!

2009-01-10T21:07:00.001-05:00

So I'm getting really frustrated here. I injured myself on the 21st of December, today is the 10th of January which makes it's three weeks tomorrow.
When I went to the doctor, he told me it would take 3-6 weeks for my ankle to heal, and I would need to rest it. For some reason when Andrew had to go back to work after two weeks, I decided that it was time to go back to my regular routine and I took Ben to playgroup last Monday. I should have known that walking to the place in and of itself was going to be too much for me. I think I may have set myself back a bit because even though it will be three weeks tomorrow I don't feel anywhere near back up to 100%.
Now as my brother Richard reminded me the doctor said 3 to 6 weeks. Not three weeks. The doctor also told me to rest (which I have not really been doing). So why is it I feel that this is taking far too long? That I should really be better by now? Also why do I have such a problem admitting/ accepting that I am injured? If I had really taken it very easy, would I be better by now?
I don't actually expect anyone to answer these questions for me, I'm just feeling extremely frustrated with my ankle and need to vent a little of this frustration, so that I will feel a bit better.
Now I'm finished venting.
Huh, that's funny, I don't feel any better :(

The spirit of Christmas; Autopsy

2008-12-30T00:21:00.000-05:00

It's a really good thing I was ready so early.
I'm really glad I had my presents wrapped in reusable packing a week before Christmas Eve, and that I was so hyper organized that I left myself the Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday before Christmas with mostly just social visits and nothing too important to accomplish.
I'm also really glad I've got such a good friend that I can just call her and say "Hey whatcha doin? Wanna take me to get xrays?"
The true spirit of Christmas? They say it's not the receiving, it's the giving. Well, I certainly did a lot more receiving this holiday season. But not presents. No, I got help and comfort. You've no idea how nice a cup of tea is until you need someone to bring it to you because you are just not capable of carrying it yourself.
So, I've discovered the true spirit of Christmas, It's when you fall on your ankle days before huge family celebrations and the people who love you take the time out of their busy lives to help you, comfort you, and accommodate your lack of mobility and cranky mood.
So far I've managed to ruin Thanksgiving and Christmas but nobody seems to have noticed.
Thanks guys!

There are always alternatives........

2008-12-30T00:17:00.000-05:00

I'm considering changing the title of my blog to "Rainbow sugarfoot"
Not seriously, but it's a good alternate title.

All y'all know who I voted for....

2008-12-03T23:44:00.000-05:00

I couldn't have said it better myself.
Thanks Liam for pointing me to this article that says so clearly what's happening and why.
I can hardly contain my happiness.
I must say thought that the public response really pisses me off. After such a weak election turn out, why are so many people making such bad noise?
You all had your chance to vote.
(That's why voting is so important!)
ARGH!

The spirit of Christmas, revisited.

2008-11-23T20:29:00.000-05:00

Okay, it seems I came off a little *harsh* in my last post. Ops! Didn't realize there was actually somebody reading this thing ;)
I think it's wonderful that people spend their hard earned money on gifts for other people. I think it's tragic that some people max out their credit cards every year because they feel compelled to express their love with gifts they can't afford.
If someone happens to buy me a gift this year, I will say "Thank you very much! Merry Christmas!" and I will not turn my nose up because it's not "home made" I will feel very grateful that I have received a gift at all.
It may even be possible (maybe just a little) that I'm over compensating for the fact that this year I can't afford to buy as many gifts as I'd like to, or spend as much on gifts as I would like to. In previous years making gifts was more of a statement than a necessity.
I absolutely hate the fact that somewhere inside I feel really guilty that I can't buy stuff this Christmas.
Are these my own personal issues, or is this a larger problem everyone is suffering from this year?

The Christmas Spirt

2008-11-15T14:28:00.000-05:00

No, it's not too early to be thinking about Christmas.
Yes it drives me crazy that the decorations go up in the mall the day after Halloween. (So many years working retail management has given me a healthy loathing for malls in November and December, and I try to stay far, far away from them.) And yes I hate the fact that the focus of Christmas is shopping, shopping and more shopping. Also I hate the fact that so many adverts push warm fuzzies on us for months, building all our expectations of Christmas bliss so we go off to celebrate with our (somewhat) dysfunctional families thinking (at least a little) "Hmmm, it's not like in the commercials." Do I sound a little bitter? Well, working open to close on christmas Eve and then being there on boxing day (the launch of boxing week....) at 6am tends to put a damper on celebrations now matter how festive I try to be.
Now, I state again; It's not too early to be thinking about Christmas. In fact if you're just starting now, you're behind schedule. I started planning in the summer. While I'm not going to achive my goal of a 100% homemade Chrsitmas, I'm getting closer every year. In the late summer I was picking fruit, then packing and freezing, and gathering then testing recipies for homemade jam. It's not as easy as you would think and it's extremly time consuming. Also unlike the shiny crap you buy it the store, if you don't follow regrious safety precautions you gifts could make people very sick. (And please don't tell me that your great grandmother made jam for generations before moderin sterilization techniques without fist considering the average life expentancey in your great grandmother's time and all the "natural" causes that killed people.) Making jam is much harder than I thought. I'm just hoping it will be worth it.
Making all your gifts is great, but it's one heck of a challenge. I mean how many years can you really get away with giving everyone a scarf and hat you knitted yourself? Well, I'm running on the fourth and it's time for a change. I've had some bright ideas, and thinking about possibilties throughout the years makes it easier. Also working on it in little bits when you have time, not trying to squeeze it all into two months makes it more fun. I'd like to try my hand at making jewlery one year but that's really my sister-in-law's gig and I don't want to move in on her teritory (I also suspect that she's better at it than I am.) I found some amazing books on toy making at the library, but it's too late to do many this year, if I have time I will attempt a couple, and possibly launch a full scale attack next year. I occationally give art, but that the exception not the rule.
Of course there will be my usual flurry of Christmas baking, (this year many cookies will feature homemade jam.) and I'm helping my son work on something special for his gifs. So far the results are good. It all takes a lot of time but, it's time well spent. Also, a completely different experience than heading off to a crowded mall ram packed with stressed out shoppers and running up your credit cards. I'm not saying that homemade gifts don't cost money (oh goodness they do!) but when you're buying the fruit in the summer, the jars in the fall, the fabric for wrapping when ever you happen to come across some at a good price, it stings a hell of a lot less. This year I am going to demand people return jars and tins to me so that I can store them and use them next year. (And by demand I mean "Please don't throw that away when it's empty, if you don't have a use for it please give it back so that I can use it again next year.")
Christmas is also much better when you don't try and fit it all into one day. I plan numerous Christmas visits/ parties/ dinners/ coffeies. Little celebrations with less people and lots of joy. That and I make an active concious effort to be nicer, kinder, and more help to just about everyone. (It's much easier to do that when you don't have to brave the malls.)
After a few years of testing it out I've found the true Christmas spirit and it is this; The less I buy gifts, the more I enjoy Christmas. The more time I take to make special personal gifts for people the more I enjoy giving them. (The secrect ingrediant is L-O-V-E. and if you say it's bad for the econmy I am very likely to give you two tight slaps.) I heard it all my life and I've said it before without really know what it means; the best give you can give is your time. Anyone can go to a mall with some cash (or credit) and buy you something, but who's going to be thinking of you in the summer while picking the fruit to use in the jam they make you for Christmas? That's not just love that's devotion. Personally I think Jesus would apporve, and after all it is his party.

The spirit of Halloween

2008-11-09T12:14:00.001-05:00

As a child I adored Halloween. There's something really great about the combination of dressing up and bags of free candy. I extended my trick or treating days well into my teens, (which I could easily get away with being so short ;) and still enjoy dressing up to take my little son around to do his trick or treating. It's hard not to notice that participation in this "holiday" is waning. When I was a child it was an exception that a house would NOT be handing out candy. Now the houses that giving out candy are few and far between. I find this so sad for a number of reasons. Every year there seem to be new candy scares and voices are raised in opposition to "devil worship". People complain of teenagers who are "too old" trick or treating at their house.
This is something I find more than a little hard to comprehend. Halloween is the only "holiday" that encourages us to go out into the community and celebrate with strangers. For one night only we expect strangers to knock on our doors asking for gifts of sweets. The streets are filled with the laughter of children and the happy conversation of parents discussing the cuteness of costumes and the best decorations. It's a fun joyful experience that children give up far to easily and far to early in my opinion. I have no problem what so ever with older teenagers coming to my door (although I do prefer it if they are in costume.) I find the majority of them to be friendly polite and festive. True, it can be a little frightening when a "child" taller than I am arrives at my door wearing a hockey mask or soaked with "blood" but do I think they would try to knock me down and rob my house? Not for one second. Am I too trusting and naive? Or am I just filled with the Halloween spirit? I would hate to see this annual tradition peter out due to lack of interest or fear.

It's my election, I'll vote how I want to!

2008-09-28T16:00:00.000-04:00

I've never made my political preferences a secret. Most people who know me, know that deep down I'm a tree-hugging-hippie. Always have been. So it really shouldn't be any surprise that I vote green. Meaning that I support the green party of Canada. (And by support, I mean I vote for them, I have a green sign on my lawn and, heck, I even have a green party t-shirt!) As you might imagine, wearing said t-shirt when there is an upcoming election generates a lot of, erm, interesting conversation. During these interesting conversations, after people have told me who they are voting for and why, I am often asked why I am "throwing my vote away." I must admit, it pisses me off. So much so that I am moved to blog on my blog about why I vote the way I do (and why I shouldn't have to defend it.)

So, here I go.......

First, as I citizen of this wonderful country, it is my right to vote for whomever I wish. If I want to vote for Egor of the Bean Party, I have have that right, and I will dam well vote for beans if I want to. Nobody can stop me.

Second, If there is a political party that truly represents my beliefs and values, I will vote for them no matter how unpopular they are. The point of having a democracy is that everyone gets one vote, and they use that one vote to express what they want, for their country, for there future. If everyone practices strategic voting, then we will have a much clearer idea of what people don't want in their government as apposed to want they do want. So I will always vote for who I actually want in charge. I will not vote for someone I don't agree with, or someone I don't believe in to keep someone else out of power. It's just not my style.

Third, If people are afraid of "throwing away" their vote and this causes them not to vote for their party of choice, but against the party they don't want, how will there ever be any new choices? How can new ideas and values ever get represented? How will there ever be any kind of political movement or shifting? This is NOT a two party system, our choices are not either or, we have opportunity to actually vote for what we want, it just takes the hutzpa to do it.

Fourth, political parties recieve government funding basied on the number of votes they recieve, so if I don't vote green, not only am I giving actual money to support a party I don't support, I'm taking it away from a party that I do support. What else can I say? Money talks. The parties that receive over 2% of the national vote get $1.75 per vote cast from taxpayers.

Fifth, Elizabeth May is one hell of a great party learder. She's smart, capable, and she has real integrety. Also, I like her as a person. You might think I'm trowing my vote away, but I know that she at least appreciates my vote for her party.

There it is in a nut shell. I could go on but I won't.

I would never tell you who to vote for. It's a secrect ballot, and who you vote for is not really any of my business. But, I WILL tell you to make an informed decesion.
Please, check out all the party platforms. Watch the national leaders debate (English language October 2nd 2008). Get to know the people who you are considering giving your country to. And most of all, have the balls to vote for who you actually support, and who you actually believe in.

Please feel free to leave a comment!
I'm interested in what you think about this topic.......

Somthing you should read....

2008-09-28T15:59:00.000-04:00

Recently Orson Scott Card wrote "Empire" A Tor Book - Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC 2006.
It's not a great read.
it's not bad, but not as good as his Ender's saga.
At the end of this book there is an essay.
The essay at the back of this book is really good.
It takes a look at the American political system and the dangers hidden there within.
I highly recommend that you read this essay before you vote in any more elections.

A book review "Little Brother"

2008-08-07T23:06:00.000-04:00

Little Brother by Cory Doctorow
A Tor Teen Book

WARNING: This book may cause you to question authority!

How much power should the Department of Homeland Security have? What rights should they be able to violate? How much personal freedom is "security" worth? This is the story of one teenager who is pushed too far by the DHS after a terrorist attack in San Francisco. A teenager who perhaps fights back a little too hard. It's a coming of age story about rebellion, patriotism, technology, perceived security, and love. Somehow related to, yet completely different from Orwell's Nineteen Eighty Four , this book is set in the almost now, as in this could happen in a couple of years, so like, be ready!

Ten O'clock Flats- I had no idea.

2008-08-02T11:37:00.000-04:00

I recently went to a very fancy wedding, and I knew that very high stiletto heals were necessary. I knew this because at the wedding shower almost every single woman was wearing them. I thought "That's okay, I'll be seated for the service and dinner. When people start dancing all those high heeled women will go bare foot anyways." In truth before we left my husband, upon seeing my shoes, told me to bring "comfortable" shoes in my bag, "just in case". Of course I scoffed. (Have you seen the size of fashionable purses theses days?) Imagine my surprise when I heard someone say "I'm heading to my car; it's after ten." I thought they were leaving! Over the next hours I head many women utter the phrase "Ten o'clock flats" with obvious relief, and watched them all wander off to become shorter. I have never before seen anyone wearing a ball gown and flip flops. In the end I had to ditch my shoes, (because of the pain and because I wanted to dance.) and I wasn't by any means the only one. I was, however, the youngest one. Chalk this one up to experience, next time there will be flip flops in the car. To quote Grandpa Simpson "I used to be with it, then they changed what it was. Now with I'm with isn't it."

*sigh*

A book Review- In Defense of Food

2008-07-30T14:04:00.000-04:00

In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan
Peguin Books

WARNING: This book will make you think.

If The Omnivore's Dilemma left you wondering what you should eat, you will find the answers in this book. Pollan's advice; Eat food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants, seems simple enough but is not as easy as it sounds. Faced with the overwhelming choice of food products in the super market, this book out lines the ways to shop and eat which are best for you and the food chains you are a part of. This book will give the knowledge you need to make informed food purchase decisions, and show you how you can "vote with your fork"
Enjoy! ( I did.)

A book review- The Omnivore's Delemma

2008-07-24T22:45:00.000-04:00

The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan
Penguin Books

WARNING: This book will make you think.

A natural history of four meals.
In this award winning book Mr. Pollan traces four meals through their food chains. It's an in depth study of where food comes from and what happens to it along the way. This book will not attempt to convince you to become a vegetarian; it revolves around the seemingly simple question "What's for dinner?".
Everyone who eats should read this book.

Becuase nobody like a new/blank/empty blog

2008-07-23T21:39:00.000-04:00

To fill up my blog some I've imported notes from various other sources. I've back dated them to the date I originally posted/wrote them, and titled them "Old Blogging part whatever".
Just to avoid confusion.
That is all.
For now.

I have a blog!

2008-07-23T13:13:00.000-04:00

A few details about me;
I now have a blog.
I also have a toddler.
I have no pets.
I hate corn.
I like this blog about corn
I like to paint.
I like to write.
I read......a lot.

Old Blogging part 1- Enough is enough

2008-06-30T21:30:00.000-04:00

So it’s getting to be just about that time, under a week until we install our show. I made the decision today that I’m finished. As in, all the painting is done. As in, even thought I have some blank canvasses, (especially a huge one that’s been mocking me for weeks) I have to put the brush(es) down. Now.

I’ve got enough pieces to support my space. I have had for a while now. There’s no danger of it looking empty or sparse. Yet, I just couldn’t stop. You might well wonder why I’m stopping myself at all, more is better right? In this case not so much. You see I have so much other work (non-creative non-artistic show related work) that I’ve been neglecting, and such a limited amount of free time that I must start grinding my nose if I’m going to pull it all together.

So, instead of painting tonight, I laid everything out (on the floor) and shuffled it all around until I hit upon a sort of grand composition that I could tolerate. I must admit it doesn’t look horrible. There’s a flow, the colours jive and I’m not sure, but there might even be a thyme. Of course there’s no guarantee that what I’ve done on the floor will translate well onto a space (four walls actually) that is much bigger and on a different axis. But this is the best I can do until I’m actually there, in the place, with my chains and “s” hooks ready to hang. (Which reminds me I’ve still got to do an inventory of the chains and hooks I have so that I don‘t get caught short) The best thing I can do at this point it take a few pictures (so I don’t forget my shiny layout) and pack them all away ready to go. That’s a job that can wait until tomorrow. Perhaps the next day I’ll finally finalize the price list and the day after that start on making the price cards. I know it may not sound like much but it is and if I’m not careful time will get away from me again and I’ll be freaking out Monday morning when I don’t have all my cards ready.

So, for now at least, the creativity must be plugged up like a hole in a dike and hopefully I won’t crack under the pressure. (Sorry, it’s late and I’m tired, but I have so much nervous energy I couldn’t possibly sleep, and my nerves are beat so I’m not fit for all that other work I was talking about…)

Old Blogging part 2- Steel Guitar

2008-01-03T21:08:00.000-05:00

random game play

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, or whatever on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
Lose yourself - Eminem

How would you describe yourself?
Twenty First Century Digital Boy- Bad Religion (Not diggin' this so far...)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
American Idiot -Green day (Okay that is kinda funny)

How do you feel today?
Hit that - Offspring

What is your life's purpose?
Bad habit- Offspring

What is your motto?
Break on through - The Doors (Yeah baby!)

What do your friends think of you?
Somebody told me - The Killers

What do you think of your parents?
I just don't know what to do with myself-The white stripes

What do you think about very often?
A long line of cars - Kake

What is 2 + 2?
Kill boy Powerhead - Offspring

What do you think of your best friend?
The way - Fastball

What do you think of the person you like?
Losing my religion - REM (Take that Andrew!)

What is your life story?
Sabotage - Beastie Boys (Ahhhh, that would be Ben ;)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz ( Untrue! Untrue!)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Gotta get away - Offspring (Take that again Andrew!)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Give me Novacaine - Geenday

What will they play at your funeral?
St Jimmy - Greenday (Oh you'd better not!!!)

What is your hobby/interest?
So alone - Offspring (*sigh* poor me)

What is your biggest fear?
My doorbell - White stripes (LOL - Ding-Dong!)

What is your biggest secret?
Add it up- The violent Femms

What do you think of your friends?
What happened to you? Offspring (Take that friends!)

What will you post this as?
Steel Guitar-Fred Egalsmith

Hmmmmmm......That was not a bad play list.

Old Blogging part 3-Things I never thought I'd get to say

2007-07-30T21:27:00.000-04:00

Okay, so parenthood is really really challenging and requires some major life adjustment but it also give you the opportunity to say some really fantastic things with a straight face.......well, almost!

"Please don't put that ___ in your mouth it's not food." (crayon, car, truck, plastic pig, rock, etc.)
"Cheese is not for driving on honey."
"Cheese is not a toy, baby."
"No trucks at the table please."
"How many times to I have to ask you not to eat sand?!"
"Get that crayon out of your nose RIGHT NOW!"
"No honey, that's not a lady, you can tell by the beard."
"Cow's don't have a siren."
"No honey, that's part of the pig, it can't come off."
"Be gentle with your penis, trust me on this one."
"Mummy doesn't like it when you put sand down her pants."
"Daddy doesn't like it when you punch him in the face."
"Daddy doesn't like it when you step on his face."
"That's not a hat, please take it off you head." (half full bowl of oat meal, upside down of course)
"Don't squish the banana in your crotch please."
"Now how did that get in your diaper?" (You'd be really surprised at what we find in there.)
"Trust me, I'm a lot smarter than you and I know what I'm talking about." (This is my favorite).

Old Blogging part 4 - Purest love

2007-04-15T21:21:00.000-04:00

In the course of his illness Ben puked right in my face. In my eyes and on nose to be exact. I've never had to wash bile out of my eyes before........it stings a bit. So here I am stinking of vomit, tired and worn out and I'm starting to feel a little sick myself. (Gee I wonder how that happened?) And I know I really truly deeply love him because when he said "Ma-ma!" and then put his sweet little arms around my neck and blew chunks at me, I didn't bitch slap him or scream or even get mad. I just said "Andrew please take the baby, I've got to go rinse my eyes."

Old Blogging part 5- About fraud

2007-04-10T21:17:00.000-04:00

So I was a victim of attempted fraud. Somehow my debt card info was copied and my pin recorded at a "compromised" debt site. This is how it happens; The thieves use a card reader to get the electronic info off the card and a video recorder to tape you punching in your personal identification number. Then they try to rip you off. The fraud department at my bank was alerted because there was an attempted withdrawal for 200 dollars over my daily limit in Laval QC. My account was then frozen and I had to go into the bank branch and get a new card and do a new pin. They told me to do the same with all my other financial institutions. A minor pain in the ass but I did it. I was lucky that they caught it when they did and that the crooks were not able to get any money from my account. The only way to avoid this is to physically cover the key pad when you do your pin and go into change your pin every couple of months. This can happen to anyone who uses a debt card. It could happen to you. Always cover your pin and change it often.
Don't be a victim of fraud!

Old Blogging part 6- How Ben scarded the s**t out of me

2007-04-02T21:11:00.000-04:00

Okay, So I'm sitting on the sofa with Ben reading a book. "Father cat's busy day" and Ben decides he's had enough so he climbs down the sofa and grabs his bus. Then he toddles off down the hallway. I know all the doors are closed so I don't follow him. Then he starts crying. I didn't hear a thump, a bump, or any unusual noises. I figured he found a closed door and he was unhappy about it. It's not panicked crying, just his normal crying. Then he comes toddeling back down the hall with his bus still in hand, still crying. I look at him and see blood pouring down his face from his nose all down his mouth and chin. Now I know what they mean in books when they describe fear squeezing your heart. I thought I was going to faint or have a panic attack. There was so much blood. He's fine by the way, I'm still not sure what happened but he got over it fairly quickly. Much faster than me, I'm still a little shaken. I wiped the blood away (several times) and held a clod wet cloth to his nose. He got pretty upset, but I think that's because I was so freaked out. So I nursed him for a little while, (yes, I'm still nursing, no he isn't a bit old for that and I don't care if you think he is) and he calmed down right away. Then he demanded his crayons.
Poor Sarah! I think the image of him toddeling towards me, with his bus in hand and blood pouring down his face was burned into my brain, I'll never forget it. I know it's not a huge deal, just a nose bleed, but I still feel a little traumatised. My mother used to tell me that you don't really know what fear is until you have children........I think she's right.

Old Blogging part 7 - " The Wheels on the Bus" My way

2007-03-30T21:14:00.000-04:00

For anyone who didn't grow up in this country or doesn't have kids here are the real words:

The wheels on the bus go round and round....
The door on the bus goes open and shut.....
The money on the bus goes cling, cling, cling....
The driver on the bus says "Move on back."......
The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish,.....
The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep.....
The babies on the bus go "wa-wa-wa".....*
The Mommies on the bus say "Shhhh! Shhhh! Shhhh!"
The Daddies on the bus say "I love you".....

*this one stays the same in my version

Now here is MY version:

The wheels on the bus will drive you mad......
The doors on the bus will hit your ass.....
The money on the bus should go to me.....
The driver on the bus says "F**k you all".....
The wiper on the bus go up your a**.....
The horn on the bus says "go to hell".....
The Mommies on the bus say "Shut your face"....
The Daddies on the bus say "F**k you both".....

Of course I would never sing this version to my son, but I like my way much, much better.

Old Blogging part 8 - On giving advice to new parents.

2007-03-29T21:20:00.000-04:00

When you have a baby everybody thinks they can tell you what to do! From friends and relatives to complete strangers on the street and in the supermarket.
In fact when I was preggers a lady in the supermarket told me I shouldn't be carrying so much. What I wanted to say (should have say) was "Oh, does that mean you are going to carry these home for me or are you suggesting that I don't need to eat?"
Now that I have the baby people tell me all about how he's not dressed warmly enough, or too warm. They tell me I'm carrying him too much or not enough. I even had a woman on the bus (a complete stranger who engaged me even though I tried to ignore her) that I absolutely must have another child or this one will have mental problems. So according to the bus lady all you only children out there are damaged goods. I've also been told that I'm depriving him if I don't give him a pacifier (I really hate them! And it's my choice. If you want to give one to your child please be my guest.) and that he will deform his face unless I stop him from sucking his thumb. People often look at me like I'm completely bonkers because I have real conversation with my child. Sure, his responses are severely limited, but I know he understands a hell of a lot more than people think. I don't care if you think I'm nuts, while my child is out there changing the world and making a difference, yours will be watching TV.
Oh and another thing, DON'T GIVE MY KID FOOD WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST! Maybe you feed your kid cheesey and cookies and pop. Well I don't. He's gonna eat all kinds of junk when he gets older and there's nothing I can do about that. But I can give him a good start and control what he's eating now. So ask me before you offer him something becasue I may not want him to have it.
Why do so many people think they are experts on child rearing? Even people who don't have children or whose children are now in their thirties? What makes them think that I so desperately need help? And by the way, it's not just me the other mothers at playgroup (whom I actually listen too because they also have young children and may actually give good advice) have the same problem.
So next time you're thinking about giving a new Mom advice, unless she's endangering her child or shaking her baby, just remember she doesn't want to hear it and don't be offended if she tells you to f**k right off.
Thanks for reading this bitch fest. I makes me feel a little better to complain, and it probably keeps me from going off on total strangers when the stick their nose in my business.